A Return to Spanish Time: Canary Islands Tour Diary

A Return to Spanish Time

Though we sit just north in the tropics, it is not a very warm evening. Much warmer than where we came from, but brisk nevertheless. I tug my blazer tighter over my shoulders and bring my tea cup to my lips. Amy bears up under the cold relatively well, however. She hates cold, which is why we’re here. We flew to Gran Canaria to escape February’s dregs. An upgrade from daytime freezing to evening briskness makes the briskness that much more bearable.

In the air another attraction floats upon the breeze. The vacation we’re taking commemorates Carnival. Carnival marks, hypothetically, the last gasp of hedonism before Lent and the aesthetic run-up to the Catholic Easter. The U.S.A. only finds Carnival in full form in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but across the Caribbean, South America, Europe, and scads of other places, it offers parades, street parties, dancing, booze, and purported joy. I have never been through a Carnival (skipping out on New Orleans a couple weeks before Mardi Gras hit last year), but Amy has years of experience from her time in South America. I feel like I’ve been through several of them myself, having heard Amy’s stories and (sometimes fuzzy) recollections many times over. 

We sit at a café in Parque San Telmo in Las Palmas, Gran Canaria, and wait for the Carnival to roll in. My cell phone reads 8:30. The Parade is due to make its final turn at our corner at 8:30, finishing just below the second-floor balcony of our hotel room. When we checked in earlier that day, our initially taciturn receptionist could hardly contain his excitement over how perfect our spot was, looking over the park and the grand finale. We feel contained excitement as we sit and wait for our waiter to bring us the bill; I am the retiring, boring type and so don’t imagine I’ll make it through much of a Carnival if it goes late, and Amy is conditioned to believe that Brazil > everywhere else, especially regarding Carnival, the country’s finest annual celebration. The parade is tardy; Spanish time is usually an approximate thing, biased towards the later side of any announced time. The parade’s tardiness doesn’t surprise us so much as reassure us, the warm embrace of an old friend.

We walk out to the corner. The sound of synchronized drums draws us closer. The crowd at the corner is relatively insignificant, no more than one or two deep at any given point on the road. The first group marches through, a group of drummers and instrumentalists, almost like a group from your small-town Memorial Day Parade, except all dressed in green. After them came a few more dancing Krewes (the New Orleans term, meaning the dancing group that marches in the parade), a few tawdry floats carrying the Queen, 1^st through 4^th Ladies, Grand Dame, and Drag Queen of the Carnival, respectively, and then a couple semi-trucks.

At last Amy feels excitement, as the trucks recall Brazil’s Carnival. The trucks are probably an evolution from the floats and walking krewes of yesteryear Carnivals. They operate like themed-party buses, everybody on board dressed in a matching costume – Flintstones, Superheroes, Cats – while a DJ bumps the tunes to a thundering level. Everybody on the truck is meant to be dancing and merrymaking, though most of the truck people are drinking and yelling instead. 

A few trucks pass and at 9:15 a lull sets in. We decide we’ve seen enough.  We return to our room, still dressed but at least freed of the burden of other people. I stand out on the balcony and watch the crowd of people below. Earlier, there was a preponderance of Superman and Wonderwoman outfits, mostly of skimpy nature, as well as a lot of men dolled up in women’s costumes, also of a skimpy nature. Now, I cannot pick out any specific dominant theme, mostly just stragglers from the krewes and trucks that have already passed.

As we stand out on our balcony, Spanish time reasserts itself with a vengeance. The parade hit a lull, a delay, but resumes beneath our eyes. The semis roll one or two down our street at a time. The truck turns the corner 200 meters away from us, its melody reaches our ears a truck length after that, and then the truck crawls past our balcony, stopping at the intersection 50 meters to our left. If lucky, the truck can soak in the spotlight and play its music for another 15-30 seconds, but as the night wears on, the cops instructing them to cut the sub-woofers and move it along get there quicker and quicker. Meanwhile, the next truck or two has already reached our point on the street, the sound systems overlapping, waves falling atop one another, us locked beneath those waves, struggling for air.

Or dancing. Mostly dancing. So we dance. We dance along together, the most we’ve ever danced together, the most Amy has ever allowed me to dance in her presence. That’s because my dancing is rhythmic but uncoordinated, unreasonable and uncontrolled, imagined fluidity replaced by spastic movements and rigid meandering over the 4/4 time signatures. The sort of thing I’m not to do in public in her presence. But here, it’s Spanish Time, it’s Carnival, we’re up on a balcony, and all we can do is take pictures and laugh about it. No one can see us anyway.

Except that some of the people on the trucks are taking our photos. We’re creating quite the little scene, it seems. Some of those drunks down there are cheering, waving, snapping. We wave back. We dance. I add a bounce or two to my moves. We laugh. Carnival roars.

This goes for an hour, and then it things peter out again. No more semis. We stop dancing, stop sweating. The noise in the street and in the park below persists but on a lower level, without the foreground clamor of the music. We stay out on the balcony and watch and glow. 

On the edge of the street below us, a girl kicks a bottle. She is maybe 10 years old and dressed in what looks like a “traditional” costume; long purple skirt and white shirt, her black hair flows down her shoulders even as it is tied in a knot. She kicks the glass bottle along the street curb. The bottle rolls, banks off the curb once or twice, giving way to her soft power. She kicks it one time too many, and it shatters.

The girl retreats across the street. Her mother and other relatives are talking in a circle there. They don’t pay much attention to her, don’t notice her. She flits in and out of the group, walks behind a tree in the park, and then returns to our side of the street. She’s found another glass bottle. She’s kicking it again. Predictably, after a few paltry efforts, she breaks it again.

We are too far away and too foreign besides to say anything as the girl starts kicking her third bottle in the same area. People stand on the other side of the curb railing with the glass breaking just below them. At the 3^rd, pattern-confirming bottle, they speak up, sharing our shock. They tell the girl to stop kicking the bottle. She stops. The bottle remains intact. The girl scurries back to her mother’s circle. The mother stomps over to the scene of the crime and yells at the people who spoke up to her daughter (the mother stands conspicuously closer to the middle of the street, away from the broken glass). The people, an older couple and another older man, yell back. The man peels off and finds a police officer. The mother gives not an inch. Her husband, dressed in a washer woman’s outfit with the top of a Christmas tree or a really funky hat on top of his head, acts as a moderating presence and also speaks to the daughter. No one takes him very seriously.

The police officer arrives. Some sort of resolution is reached – your daughter can’t kick any more glass bottles tonight, you need to leave this family alone, none of you can call one another a stupid puta, etc. No arrests are to be made in this situation, and there’s not much else to do. The plaintiffs, or else the street’s defenders, leave their post along the curb to try to revivify their Carnival joy. The cop and the girl’s parents continue to talk with much more laughter. The tumult dies down. The night and the Carnival continue to flow, softly.

And then, as we sleep, Spanish Time rears its head twice or thrice more; the semis circle back through the park once and again, just as loud as the first time. The noise threatens our sleep. I, exhausted from the flight, sleep through most of it, though I swear that at quarter to 4 I’m awakened by the thumping tunes one last time. Amy sleeps fitfully through the Carnival iterations, perhaps suffering for her Brazil-based hubris. She says that I’m wrong about the last cycle taking place that late. 

Spanish time, ladies and gentlemen.

Beeping into the Blind on the GC-200

The thing about it is, the more dangerous something is, the more thrilling. The more we have to risk to achieve something, the more it appears worth it. Life is founded on the principle of efficiency, arbitrage, and that idea; we will risk only as much as a reward merits. So, for a greater reward, we will risk more.

With risk come fear and a chance of failure. Amy – cowering and half-hyperventilating in the passenger seat, picturing us crashing through the fragile guard rail and plummeting over the cliff into more rocks and chasms and eventually the ocean, telling me to go slower, laughing at my beeping, and squeezing in dramatic scenery photos with her new camera all the while – decided the mountain drive only deserved to be risked once.

                “San Nicolas isn’t much to see in and of itself, but this trip is about the journey, not the destination. A 30km drive through the coastal mountains is one of the prettiest settings you will ever go through.”

So said our guide (I’m paraphrasing). The drive began at the foot of the hill where we were staying in Agaete, on the Western coast of Gran Canaria. We had been there for a day and already were succumbing to island fever. With nothing else to do, a beautiful drive down to the touristy but picturesque Puerto Mogan struck us as a winning proposition.  (San Nicolas is about the halfway point between Agaete and Puerto Mogan).

We left around noon. Google Maps told us it would be a 1h20m trip, which would have us in Puerto Mogan in time for a late lunch. Our car was a Toyota Auris, a small 4-door with an incongruous 6 gear manual transmission. On the highway driving to Agaete two days earlier, I hit 6^th a couple of times, coasting at 100 Km/Hr, until the dashboard light quickly suggested I shift down to 5^th as we hit a hill. There might be a use for the Toyota Auris’s 6^th gear on flat highways and long stretches, but it would be completely unnecessary on this trip.

We entered GC-200, the road that would take us the 65 kilometers to Puerto Mogan, unsuspectingly. The road began with a slight incline and a few lazy bends. There was a white line dividing us from the other side of the road. All was calm. Amy began taking photos out the window of Agaete below, of the coastline coming into view, of the mountains in front of us. Gran Canaria is considered something of a “mini-continent”, with a varied landscape; the coastline features quaint towns and pebbly or coarsely sanded beaches, while the interior has more of the rugged look, with mountains stretching up to 5,000 feet and the reddish-brown visage of the barren hills that can be found in Spain, Morocco, or New Mexico.

Rugged mountains and narrow “highways”. After a few easy kilometers, we were climbing up and down the mountain, driving through blind curve after blind curve, and finding that there was no more dividing line painted on the road. The beauty out the window, plentiful, was now obscured. Blocking our beauty was not the scenery, not the mountains getting in the way of anything else, but the fact that I was driving and couldn’t look too much at the scenery, and Amy was panicking because I was driving.

The GC-200 offers an ideal setting for car commercials. There are car commercials that take place in green rolling hills on roads with hairpin turns and endless switchbacks; there are car commercials that emphasize the open road and the plains and the thrill of adventure – the GC-200 offers neither of these. It provides a third possible setting: rugged coastal mountains with frequent turns and undulations, with the promised land of water and sun and fun just around the next (blind) corner. It is really a beautiful drive.

The problem is that I am no car commercial driver, and no commercial for the Toyota Auris will feature such driving. I have never been confused for a good driver. Amy has never been confused for a person who relinquishes control in such crucial circumstances easily. The Toyota Auris does not handle uphills very well, and on this drive I rarely achieved even 4^th gear, let alone 6^th. We were also tourists, and obvious ones, not sure where we were going and ignorant of which way the road would curve when.

"At least if we crashed, the ocean would douse the flames..."

All of which led to the scene I began with: Amy panicking at my side while I tried to maintain a balance between cool consideration and competence. When going up, I would get the car up to about 40-50 km/h (roughly 25-30 mph) in 2^nd or 3^rd gear; when going down, I would let the car coast at about 50-60 km/h, riding heavy on the brakes. As we were tourists, and timid ones, we would often get passed. Passing on a narrow mountain road isn’t easy; there’s hardly space for two cars on the road as is, and then if a foolhardy driver tries to do it on a curve, they risk getting smashed by a car coming the other way. We found a way to be passed, though, because there are few trivial things worse than having someone riding on your ass on a narrow road where you can’t help but feel sorry for them since after all you’re the one going half as fast as everybody else: I would pull on to the rare shoulders or to the little bubbles on the road where a car might stop to get a picture of the view, or else edge towards the right on a stretch of road where we could see no one was coming the other way and wave my hand so that the car tailing me started heading me instead. We were passed by bolder tourists, by eye-rolling locals, and even by runaway buses who handled the curves like they were so many city streets, with abandon. “Those poor bus passengers,” said Amy time and again, thinking of how bad she felt just sitting in our car.

"And if we crash, at least this photo will be evidence that I didn't have a heart attack first..."

We learned a technique from the cars that passed us. Some of the drivers, at least, when nearing a curve, would begin to beep. At first I thought the beeping was directed at me, being sensitive to criticism. Then I realized they were short, staccato, friendly beeps. Warning beeps. Beeps to announce one’s presence on the road, bursts of noise and self-affirmation.

This being a trick that could only help our safety, beeping quickly fell into my arsenal on the GC-200. As we approached a curve, I would beep once sharply, then twice more for a follow-up. Some of the curves kept going, with no end to the blindness in sight, and so I kept beeping every couple of seconds. I felt like a satellite drifting out in space, sending signals out to alert other intelligent beings of my presence. The scariest thing, of course, would be to receive a signal in return.

Nothing scarier happened to us than almost running into one pickup truck barreling around a curve fairly on (going 40 km/h allows for a fair deal of reaction time, at least). We also stopped towards the end at “El Balcon”, a scenic viewpoint. A man ran a concessions stand there, and he found my initial parking job unsatisfactory, requiring me to back out on the road across both lanes of traffic and straighten up. I had visions of rolling backwards forever. Amy was so flustered she spoke with the man in English first as she got out of the car; when she switched to Spanish, he in turn grew flustered, saying “Coño, hablas español?”  And yet, we survived.

We survived the whole drive, of course. The 1h20m stretched into two hours, what with the crawling speeds and the stops. We received very few beeps in return, but we made it to Puerto Mogan, where our finest meal of the vacation awaited us, with smooth vegetable paella and the best croquetas I had all trip. We took nice photos. Somehow, it was all worth it.

And then we went back around the island the other way, taking the highways. It took less time than the trip through the mountains. The drive was not worth a second trip through the mountains, and anyway, Amy’s heart and my ears wouldn’t stand it. Coño, indeed.

Two weeks in the life, or the Lost Highway

I've mentioned in this space and probably others that I've had guests in Israel before, had guests coming for Christmas break, and would be eager to have more guests as my time here continues. You, a skeptical friend or relative or stranger, might ask, "Why would I want to visit Israel? What would such a trip entail?" Well, rest assured, because I present to you a "sample" itinerary of what you might get in a two-week visit to the Holy Land. Only the best, of course.

For our purposes, we will imagine a visiting party of three people, one who happens to arrive a few days later and stay a few days later. Be warned that somewhere in the second week, we hit a searing digressionary narrative.

Also, while it's unpleasant and certainly raises the anxiety level, I'm pretty sure the nastiness in Gaza won't affect the day-to-day of this itinerary. And hopefully, whenever you, dear guest, come, that problem will be contained. Unlikely eliminated, but hopefully contained.

Day 1 - Arrival: Two guests arrive at Ben Gurion Airport, weary but excited after an overnight trip that included a brief layover in Rome. I (heretofore referred to as "The Host", or similar titles) meet them at the airport, hug them, and escort them to a small, low-quality car, a Fiat Bravo. Once their scant baggage is loaded into said car, the host takes them away from the airport, remembering only at the exit to pay for the short-term parking, causing a small backup leaving the airport.

The group avoids the main highways that would lead through Tel Aviv, for fear of traffic. Instead, they make their way with reasonable haste up the 4, over the 5, and back up the 2, into the cozy little Israeli burb of Herzliya. They wind their way down the seaside road and to the apartment building that the group will be staying in. The group somewhat inconveniently lug the little luggage they have up the 3 floors, then soak in the atmosphere of an Israeli dusk.

Plans are made quickly, and the group goes out to the local 24-hour supermarket to load up for dinner. The host prepares a chicken stir fry served upon quinoa, and a certain dear friend comes over to join the group, bottle of wine in hand. Though the evening feels a little like a job interview, all enjoy themselves, and when the host's roommate arrives, the company becomes only merrier. All are pleased and tired, off to sleep at a reasonable hour so as to revive themselves for the trip.

Days 2-3 - Hang in TA: While the host finishes up with his job responsibilities, the two guests sleep in, relax, and learn how to catch the 90 bus to Tel Aviv. They gallivant around Old Jaffa, the shopping laden streets of Dizengoff, Allenby, and Rothschild, and attract the attention of strange men along the beach, the weather temperate even in the middle of December. They also meet this woman of Russian roots, who gives them practical advice about Tel Aviv and a few Hebrew tidbits, as well as some fashion inspiration:


The one planned meeting on Day 2 between guests and host in Tel Aviv is held, though the host, assuming his guests would be late and approaching from the southern side of Levinsky Rd., wanders over to the bus station, and hence misses his guests walking on the northern side of Levinsky Rd. to the Ha-Hagana train station where they had agreed to meet.

Regardless, the group just barely catches the 8:00 train home, and then proceed to eat falafel and hummus before returning to the host's residence. The host makes sure his guests are all taken care of and ready for the next day, and then leaves them for the night. One of the guests later goes crazy over news that an old friend is planning to join the group in a week. She works through anxiety by cleaning the host's kitchen, always in need of a touching up.

Strange man and his autoharp on the beach: Ahh, Tel Aviv.

On Day 3, the planned meeting gets delayed till the evening, a convenient move that allows for the host to celebrate the onset of a vacation with his colleagues and then usher a couple of them out of town. After that, host meets guests on Dizengoff and Ester Ha-Malka in almost perfect timing. Rather than celebrate such timing, host takes guests back to Herzliya, where the group relaxes and dreams about the grand future of the next few days, planning meticulously and throwing every possible idea at the wall, settling on a few of them that leave no clear direction for the next day, never mind the rest of the trip. The same guest who went crazy the night before gets excited again over a request from a major metropolitan magazine for a photo.

Day 4 - Jerusalem: After a third consecutive late start for the group (though the first late start that the host himself participated in), the trio make the snap decision to drive to Jerusalem. Says one of the trio later in the day, "I didn't even know where we were going when we left the house."

Being Shabbat, the roads are largely empty, the traffic spots near the center largely available and definitely free, and the center part of Jerusalem dead. Fortunately, the Old City still buzzes with tourist-sparked life. The trio enter the old city through Jaffa Gate, taking reams of photos, with American tourists, school girls, small Arabic children, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre's under renovation wing, the Western Wall, the fading sun towards the Medittereanean, the view of the Dome of the Rock and the Al Asqa Mosque from the Southern wall of the Old City, the big dreidels hanging in celebration of Hanukkah, and each other as subjects. Many souvenir items are considered, though few are purchased. At times in the Arabic quarter, the host genuinely fears that the photo taking could lead to unpleasantness. The group buy two chocolate cylinders with marshmallow on the inside, a national desert. The day is a success.

Doesn't this picture scream, "This day is a success?"

Day 5 - Pick up and hang in TA: The guest who previously went crazy over emails departs to the north, to visit relatives. Plans are made to reunite with her in a day or two. Meanwhile, another guest is due later that day. In preparation, the host goes to the doctor to see about this rash on his arm. Then he collects the second guest, and the two of them go to Tel Aviv, where the host has an urgent meeting over legal status. Once that is left unresolved, the two finally resume interesting activities, walking over to Neve Tzedek, the hip, boutique-laden neighborhood of Tel Aviv. While the duo look at all the interesting shops, the guest laments that, "it's a little weird shopping with you, Dan." The host has no good response, and eventually they split a business lunch at an Iraqi restaurant and return to their car and head to Ben Gurion Airport.

The third guest is improbably held up at customs, to the point where the duo wonder if he somehow missed the flight. Just after the host goes to ask if there's any way of confirming the third guest's presence on the flight from Milan to Israel, thinking that perhaps the snow storm in New York delayed him tremendously, the host discovering that he'd have to wait a second hour before the passenger list would become accessible to him, the third guest appears, looking a little greasy in a wool square sweater and khakis. He was held up by El Al questioning in Milan, barely making it to his flight. His bag did not make it on, nor his calculator. This will be a recurring issue.

Regardless, the group treks back to Tel Aviv, where the host attends a wrestling practice, while the two guests wander around and buy doughnuts, not really getting lost in a shakier neighborhood of Tel Aviv. They then convene at the host's home for dinner and a phone update with the good folks back at home.

Glamorous. But really, all services are provided at Chez Shvartsman.

Day 6 - Art in TA: General lethargy, possibly on the part of the host, leads the group to stay in Tel Aviv. Also, the weather is bad. So amidst the rain and dull, the group take the train and then walk to Tel Aviv Museum of Art. It's widely agreed upon among the group, hosts and guests alike, that if Jonathan Richman was here, he'd go to the room with all the Chagalls, since there were no Cezannes.

The Museum of Art is solid if not masterful, but also whets one's appetite. As three, the group walks over to Rabin Square, a major central part of Tel Aviv, where they buy a falafel for lunch. They then catch the train home. A stop at the supermarket leads to the host's first flare-up at a guest, but the rough patch is quickly smoothed over, and the trio makes it home safe and sound, eager for more adventures the next day.

Day 7 - Haifa: Despite missing the train they intended to catch, the group manages to successfully embark on a trip to Haifa. The host has not yet been to Haifa, so the trip is a little bit of a mystery for all involved.

It's what the family does, I suppose.

Upon arriving at the central station in Haifa, near the northern port of the city, they make tracks to meet with the third guest, the fourth member of their group, returning from her sojourn to relatives. Beforehand, the two entities (that is, the group of three and the fourth member) agree to meet at the entrance to the BaHai Gardens. Bahai is a faith centered in Haifa, and their gorgeous domes and buildings, as well as the luscious gardens that surround them, are considered the main tourist attraction in Haifa. It appears to be an appropriate place to meet.

Having not yet been to Haifa, and also deprived of his guide book (in the 4th member's possession), the host has to rely on intuition and cleverness. The Haifa train station is at the port, as mentioned. It is also at the bottom of a hill: the whole city of Haifa rests upon that hill, Mt. Carmel. Even more essentially, the pretty domes and structures of the Bahai Gardens are visible from below. "Walk towards the dome," he says, and the group sets off.
The climb is disorderly, a weaving path through stairways and roads, almost always upwards, punctuated by one of the guests's teasing of the host, asking if this is the sort of thing he'll put on his blog, a heroic climb and a "victory", nearly earning a punch, but at last the group arrives just above the dome. The trio has arrived right about on time for the planned rendezvous, after a half hour of walking uphill.

There are three problems with their situation (there are always problems). First, the Bahai Gardens are closed due to the rain that has fallen off and on the past two days; the caretakers are concerned for the health of their visitors, in that they might slip on those slick garden paths (it doesn't rain much in Israel). Second, to visit the Bahai Gardens, one needs to be on a guided tour, and spots for a guided tour must be reserved three days in advance. So visiting the gardens is out for the group. Most essentially, the host realizes after 15 minutes of waiting that this probably isn't the planned meeting point, and that the group must climb higher.

A sign of urban (or fruit) decay somewhere on the climb in Haifa. Those are slugs.

After asking for directions and following them, the group finds themselves on a road looking down upon Haifa with the sun poking out of the clouds and a stiff, autumnlike breeze whipping through the road. The group realizes they have no way of knowing if they've missed their fourth member or if this is exactly where they're supposed to meet. As they ponder their dilemma, the fourth member pulls up in a cab and waves frantically. All has been resolved.

Relief sets in on high in Haifa.

The group continues their stay at the top of the mountain, stopping in Jacko, a restaurant that the host's guide book suggests is the key spot in Haifa, though in fact it is a chain that even has a restaurant in the host's hometown. The group is relieved and sated ne'ertheless, and after eating they proceed to return to the train station, where the host needs to be to get to practice. Much relief is also shared over the return trip downhill. The evening ends with the fourth member, the third guest, joining the host for practice so as to take photos, while the other two guests get off at the wrong station and bicker amongst each other, though in the end reuniting with the rest of the group in merry fashion.

Day 8 - Dead Sea: Reunited and refocused, the group takes off on a grand adventure, driving through the West Bank to arrive at the Dead Sea. Turning onto a Mineral Beach, the group takes in all the requisite pleasures of the world's lowest point. They include:
- Swimming (or more accurately floating) in the Dead Sea
- Getting the sulfurous water in one's eye, despite host's admonitions to be careful about getting water in one's eyes
- Covering up in mud
- Warming up in the 39° Celsius sulfur pool on the Beach grounds
- Drawing the attention of a Russian speaker from Northern Israel and his Latvian friend. Viktor and Nikolai. Viktor gives the host his phone number and email address with an invitation to visit in Tzfat, while Nikolai talks about how Ukraine still has all the good camaderie of the Soviet Union, and also lavishes a little bit too much attention on one of the female guests in our group. No harm, no foul, however.

Nikolai (and a woman in his group: his daughter?) look on as the three members of our group he wasn't interested in have fun with mud.

Day 9 - Bethlehem: Being as Day 9 coincides with Christmas, the group decides to go to Bethlehem. To go to Bethlehem, one needs to go to Jerusalem first, and then catch a cab or a bus to the border crossing into the Palestinian-controlled West Bank, and then catch a cab further into Bethlehem.
The group sets out and parks somewhere in south Jerusalem, relatively close to the crossing. They decide to take a cab to the border rather than dealing with Jerusalem traffic. On the way, the group gets sidetracked by a bakery. One member of the group, a male guest, is particularly intrigued with the doughnut selection.


Once filled on doughnuts and other delectable pastries, the group catches a cab. The cab driver takes them the short distance to the checkpoint, meanwhile explaining that he can't cross over because, "they don't like me there; they'll kill me," and warning the group to watch for their wallets. He's mostly joking.

In fact, the scariest part of this adventure is due to the cab driver, who instead of recommending the group to go through the checkpoint and do things as appropriate, begins to negotiate with an Arabic cab driver for the fare to take this group to Bethlehem. At first negotiations occur in Hebrew, but when the Arabic driver notices the host listening with interest, they switch into Arabic. Eventually, a deal is set: 100 shekels for a sketchy cab ride that takes the group through a back way into Palestinian territory. Still, no damage done again, and the group ends up in the Manger Square.

The weather is wet and droopy, and the group wanders down Manger St., a market of sorts, before going to the Church of the Nativity, where the big guy was born as a little guy 2009 years ago, or so the story goes. The Church is hollow and old and impressive in its simplicity, though the grotto where Jesus was supposed to be born is fairly ritzy and packed, full of Franciscan priests who usher everybody along and speak Italian, English, or French at times.


The trip is not a very long one, as there's not much to do in bad weather in Bethlehem. Also, Christmas Eve is apparently the time to be in Bethlehem. The group make a few gift purchases, the host flares up at one of the guests again, and the group catches a cab back to the border crossing. In the host's limited Hebrew, inquiries are made to the cab driver about why the ride back to the border is so much cheaper than the ride here. Nothing is delivered.

The group passes through the security checkpoint this time, and then catches one more cab back to the car. After some confusion from the young cabbie on where to go, they end up on the correct street. With a little walking they reach their car, weary and ready to return home and rest before a planned weekend trip to Petra. A little traffic greets them, but this doesn't appear to be a big issue.

*Searing Digression! Searing Digression!*

So the traffic from Jerusalem at rush hour on a Thursday night (remember, that's like Friday here) might be expected to be bad. Ok, I had this in mind. Even though on paper we had enough time to get back to Tel Aviv by practice time, I had reconciled myself to not going to practice, and the traffic as we crawled out of the city confirmed my reconciliation.

Tel Aviv has bad traffic at rush hour too, as do many cities in the world. The difference, which would prove to be fatal, between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, is that Tel Aviv is in a flat area, whereas Jerusalem rests on a hill, among other hills. While this makes for lovely scenic driving and adds to the Holy City's aura, it also is not fun to drive in during traffic. Especially when you have a manual transmission car. And when you're driving uphill. Do I need to go on? Ok, I'll go on.

As we slogged up the hill, my nerves were already a little frayed. The pressures of hosting, the pain of traffic, the general anxiety of being a self-tormenting dink, it was all getting to me. I tried to stay calm as I listened to a mix I had made for said dear friend, an intro to Emo, but for some reason I found my emotions rising to a self-dramatic pitch.

And then I started having trouble putting the car into first gear. And then when I did, the RPMs on the car started going up as I climbed. "We should pull over at the next exit so we can chill out and let the traffic go," my cousin suggested. Wise advice, but the next exit was a half kilometer away. Uphill.

Smoke started coming out of the hood. The tachometer started going up to 5 or 6 as we inched up, a meter or two at a time. And then it just stopped catching at all. The clutch, that is.

So, in the middle lane of the highway, amongst a huge stream of traffic, on an uphill on the country's main highway, connecting the two major cities in the country, my car was stuck. We were stuck. Not good news.

We got out of the car, and a couple neighbors in the traffic helped us push the car to the side of the road, out of kindness and also self-interest. There, we found two other cars pulled over, and an older man, religious, with a black hat and a long gray beard, came over and commisserated with me, he a little bit in English, I a little bit in Hebrew. I called the tow company, where the Russian operator told me she would try to get a tow truck there in sooner than two hours, but no promises.

We had already spent about 90 minutes in traffic. We were tired. We still had the chicken, pita, and salad we had packed in our bag for lunch, as of yet uneaten, and we had the Harel mall looming just above us, our unreachable rest area. We left the car and walked ten minutes to that mall, along the highway or the shoulder, and dined there. The tow company called me and said a guy would come soon. I cut short my rest to return to my car, where I found no one. My family came after me, and they huddled together under an umbrella (light rain began to fall) as I sang "Lost Highway" and "Two Headed Boy, Pt. 2" to myself. It was that kind of night.

It then turned into absurd. Cops drove up to us. "Drive the car out of here!" one said to me in Hebrew, I think. "Lo yahol, I can't, the car is broken!" I responded, as if the point wasn't clear. My religious compatriot partially translated for me, but then the cop's actions spoke for themselves. For awhile, I was concenred that I'd receive a fine or even somehow be arrested, because I didn't have the mandatory safety triangle one is supposed to set up in Israel when he's broken down.

Instead, the cop held up his hands to oncoming traffic and told them to stop. Then he pulled his car perpendicular to traffic. While traffic wasn't quite as bad as it had been while we were driving, there were still plenty of cars on the road. Those cars were no longer moving. Thanks to us. We shut the highway down.

Umm yeah, about not moving? Sorry, guys, our bad.


We sat there and marveled at the situation as the cops sent for a special cop truck to tow our cars to a safer location. My cousin flitted about the traffic, reporting that people started coming out of their cars, asking angry questions but also flirting and similarly laughing at the problem, while she took pictures and said she had no idea what was going on. It was partly true.


Eventually, the cop tow truck, driven by a nice, English-speaking retired cop, took us up to the exit ramp near the mall. This was apparently far enough out of danger. From there we had another half hour wait for a tow truck. At last the tow truck driver came. And, not speaking English, he told me that he couldn't take my car home to Herzliya that night, and what's more, he couldn't take us back to Herzliya.

I've been in Israel for 5 months now, and naturally the culture has seeped into me. Part of that culture is that ornery brashness, that strident screamer that demands what he wants, whether or not he gets it. Well, anyway, that part of me came out, as I lit into this driver, practicing my Hebrew at much higher volume levels than I was accustomed too (and if you ever want a good way to practice your foreign language, having your car break down is foolproof). He told me it was asoor, which I recently learned means forbidden, but I told him that we tsarachim linsoa l'Herzliya, that we had to go to Herzliya, and then his boss yelled at me in English.

Finally, this kind lady came over and helped us out. Besides speaking Hebrew, she spoke great English and was Russian. Olga was inclined to help us out, then, and she translated for me that it was the law that they couldn't take us back, or some such issue. And that my car would be taken to Herzliya tomorrow. And that the girls could stay with her if they wanted to in Jerusalem, and just go back home tomorrow. And she said she had "no fucking idea" about something, using profanity in that adorable way foreigners do.

In any case, both because I wanted to get to my bed and the guests wanted to take off for Petra and Eilat the next day, we turned down her kind offer, saw off our car in the tow truck, and then walked back up to the mall. After ten nervous minutes of looking, we caught a cab willing to take us the 50 minutes home. The price wasn't extravagant, and at last we wiped off our minds of another car disaster. At least for a few hours. Someday I'll look back and laugh on it.

Back to our itinerary...

Days 10-12 - Eilat and Petra, host free: Wiped out, our defeated yet somehow charming host relinquishes his right to lead the trip to the South. He stays home as the guests rent a car and drive to Eilat, leave their car there, take a cab to Petra, stay in Petra for two nights and one day, and then take a bus back to Eilat, where one of the three dips into the somewhat chilly Red Sea, while the rest look eagerly to a return to Herzliya. They stop by a crater on both of the drives in Israel, they get into a small accident, and they take funny photos.
There's something incongruous about this Petra picture, and also something quite nice.

Who knows what's going on here? Marcel Marceau, maybe?

When at last the trio of guests return to Herzliya, they find a lukewarm, decent tortilla español awaiting them, as well as a purchased chocolate cake. It is, after all, one of the guests's birthday.

Day 13 - Tel Aviv hardcore: The group splits up almost as quickly as it reunites. The fourth member drops the group off at the Diaspora Museum while she heads to shop and then meet with her old friend.

The group ventures into the Diaspora Museum on Tel Aviv University campus, in northern Tel Aviv. While the host finds the exhibits interesting and educational on the actual historical and geographical spread of the Jewish people, he concedes that it is a text-heavy museum (the type of museum, that is, that he prefers). His guests find it either ok but a little slow, or just poor. You can't please 'em all.

While the host is ready to pack it in for the day, the group revives the day by pushing him to lead the way to the Carmel Market. Walking through half (if not more) of Tel Aviv, the trio enjoy a nice day, stopping at a pizza place for a quiche and a rolada, and then at last hitting the Carmel Market a little after sundown. They shopped for gifts and chocolate. Then, to seal the night, they stopped by a Israeli-chain bookstore, where they bought nothing; a little Spanish-language bookstore, where they bought a cookbook; and a Russian-language bookstore, where they bought Cheburashka-related paraphenelia. A successful night, dampened a little bit by the long wait for the bus home.

Day 14 - Jerusalem again: The group, joined by the fourth member and her old friend, embarked on another, perhaps final trip to Jerusalem. Despite having the car back, the host decides against wading into Jerusalem's traffic issues again (also perhaps stung by the mechanic's assessment of blame for the clutch that he had just replaced two months before, charging the full repair to the host, with only a 20% discount on labor and a driving lesson thrown in). The group missed a train on the way to the central bus station, and fourth member and her old friend had wallet trouble, but in the end they caught the bus to Jerusalem that runs every 20 minutes.

From there, they embarked on a nearly hour-long walk to the Old City, down Jaffa Road. The walk took longer due to ambling pace and occasional purchases. In any case, once in the Old City, the group hit the two highlights, Church of the Holy Sepulchre and the Western Wall. At the former, the two girls in the group used their feminine wiles to get well advanced into the line to view Jesus's tomb, ignoring the vile verbal barbs of the Russian tour group people aroudn them who rightly questioned them on their line cutting. At the latter, one of the members of the group remarked, when asked what he thought about the Western Wall, the most holy site in Judaism: "It's a wall. It's old. Meh."

That was about it for the host, who headed back to the bus station to yet again go to practice. The guests lingered around Jerusalem a little bit longer, and then split up at the bus station and returned to Tel Aviv. A mixed success, perhaps, but every one made it home ok.

Day 15 - Last night of the year, trip for two: As it's New Year's Eve (known as Sylvester in Israel, not a major holiday though Tel Aviv knows how to party, apparently), the group takes various tacks. The host goes to the center to continue waffling over citizenship, while two guests visit the beach near the host's home and even swim in the cold Mediterranean. Later, one of those guests heads into the city to meet with the fourth member and her old friend. The host and the other guest linger in Herzliya, and the host yells very loudly at El Al for not delivering the guest's luggage to the apartment. Eventually they head into the city to ring in the New Year with pomp and happenstance, as well as family and maybe even dinner. Or perhaps the rain drives the whole group to stay in at Herzliya. Then, either way, the host drives two of the guests to the airport, and the other guest and the old friend stay with the host a little bit longer.

Days 16-21 - Just one guest: We'll probably hang out. Maybe we'll do something. Masada, the Kinneret (a.k.a. Sea of Gailee), Jaffa, Caeserea? Maybe Mark will get his bag? Who knows.

Anyway, all that could be yours if you come visit Israel! Hopefully minus the car trouble, but with this host, you never know.

Galloping around Galicia, by car, train, plane, and rock show

Any journey that begins with just barely catching your train is surely destined to be a good one. So it was for Ben and I, as we dilly-dallied in his apartment until 1:35, in advance of our 2:20 train to Santiago. Now, 40 minutes would probably be sufficient for a trip from Arguelles, our metro stop, to Chamartin, where our train prepared to depart. But then we had to walk to the metro station, just in time to miss the 4 train heading east.
A series of decisions made in trying circumstances - such characterizes the vital moments of our lives. In such a moment, Ben made the call to ride the 3 south two stops and from there catch the speedy 10 heading north, rather than take the tedious 6 five stops to catch the 10 at a higher point. We hopped on the 3, switched efficiently at Plaza de España to catch the 10, and our prospects looked good. We arrived at the metro station at about 2:10.
This meant a five minute walk had to be made with all due haste to ensure our spot on the train. We hustled, hesitated at one crucial juncture before selecting the proper route, and indeed made the train. We were the last ones admitted, scanning our bags through the metal detectors quickly before getting on the first coach of the train. By the time we reached our seats on the other side of the train, the engine had started and the journey had begun. Not quite getting on the train to Lausanne two years ago as it was moving, but still.

And so our five day journey to Galicia began. The train ride was a peaceful, wearying 7 hour trek across green plains and hills. Ben taught me 6 to 12, a card game resembling rummy, which I subsequently taught him. A little girl in a pink sweatshirt danced up and down our coach, and Bourne Ultimatum and Stardust played on the tv. It was most tranquil.

Our arrival in Santiago de Compostela was largely without incident, beyond the fact that at 9:30, it was quite bright out. Galicia is the Northwest province of Spain, which leads to later nights and earlier mornings, sun wise. Also, the weather is similar to England; the sky perpetually wavers between picturesque blue and white, and more ominous gray. In the morning it is always foggy, and while we were there it was usually gorgeous in the afternoon.

We only spent about 15 hours in Santiago, but they were good hours. Santiago is somewhat of a touristy city, a northern relative to Granada in many ways. The center is old, gothic, and can twist a visitor around just as much as Granada. The major difference is that here the attraction is the Cathedral, a beautiful behemoth that is visible from just about anywhere, always offering a reference point for you to find your way from. Outside the center, just like Granada, is a modern city with a famed university. The surrounding landscape is also quite impressive, full of lush green hills. Don't believe me? Well...

Mutton Chop caressing beneath the grand cathedral

There's a Ferris Wheel somewhere out there? Can you see it? If not, drink more tea.

A view of Galicia from the Cathedral Square. Artsy, no?

Now the story resumes on Friday, around noon, but with a key detail from the day before. As we got out of the train at Santiago, we knew we had only a short time there before we would embark for Villagarcia de Arousa, a small beach town that was holding the Festival Do Norte, where we would interview Broken Social Scene and then watch them play. Looking ahead, we asked about the cost of a train ticket to VdA. Two to three euros. Sounds pretty good.
However, we were also concerned by a different issue: we had nowhere to stay at VdA. Naturally, the town of 35,619 inhabitants had limited place to stay, and the festivalgoers had already inquired into the low-cost places. So while sleeping outside or on the beach were options, and we were reasonably certain that we'd find a place if we looked hard enough, the situation was not ideal.
In such a state we were open to suggestions. Fate smiled on us in the form of Avis and Europa Car signs; why not rent a car and just sleep in it?
So Friday, we got to the train station early enough to check with car rental companies before making a decision. As it turns out, the company we didn't see at first, National, offered the best deal. It was within our cost threshold, and so, sold! (err, rented) We had our very own Citroen C2 for two days and 780 Km. The roads would be our playground, now!
As Ben doesn't know how to drive manual, and wouldn't let me attempt to teach him (an event with a 50% likelihood of leading to good times and disaster), I assumed the driver's seat for the next two days. Ben took shotgun and navigated, and we were out of the city and back on the open roads. Well, first we had to pay a 13 euro parking ticket, but oh well. And then there was a toll or two. But we were driving through the toll, at least!
We arrived in Villagarcia, which smelt only a little like the ocean. Our primary mission in the afternoon was to arrange and hold an interview with BSS, as I mentioned. This all went swimmingly, as you can read about on 30music (pt. 1 here, pt. 2 here). In fact, I'm going to leave out all mention of the concert and the band and the manliness of Evan Cranley (in the flesh; the legend will play a part later in this adventure) and leave that for the 'zine. It's called cross-promotion.

With a staggering 8 hours between the end of our interview with the band and their scheduled show time (a fact they were unaware of, in all likelihood), we took off for a few more coastal cities. We drove about an hour to get to O Grove, a town known for its seafood, the region's general specialty. We walked along the beach and then played some tunes by the waterfront, to the delight or dismay of fishermen working late hours.

The rocks at O Grove. O Grove rocks.

We began our return towards VdA at 9:00, stopping in Cambados, home of famous vineyards for Albariño wine, a white. Naturally, I ordered Ribeiro instead, another famous Galician white. Sometimes I can be a jerk. In other news, Ben had octopus, which was fun.

Again, I exclude the following section of our trip, which was at the concert. It was great; read about it elsewhere. Needless to say, we grew as friends and had a great time, and when 4:30 in the morning rolled around, we were quite eager to pass out in our car.

The Citroen C2 is a rather small car. It's a two door with a back seat, but the recline action on the front two chairs isn't great. Additionally, it's a narrow, if boxy car. So we rejiggered everything as best as we could, Ben settled into the back seat, and I reclined in the shotgun seat. Sleep was far from there, but we tried.

My intermittent rest, sans dreaming, was at last halted by two tour buses who decided to pull in front of us in the parking lot of the Fexdega, where the concert had taken place. Loud speaking in an unknown language - it could have been Spanish, it could have been the local language (Gallego), it could have been something else - was enough to get me out of bed, so I walked around the car and mused on what to do. It was also enough to cause Ben to stir, so I told him I wanted to go to the mall to use the facilities and stock up on my survival kit.

Of course, Saturday wasn't just Saturday: it was the day of Galician literature, a holiday. That's a great holiday, and I want to learn about 2008's honoree, Xose Maria Alvarez Blazquez, but it sure is frustrating to not be able to take care of business and buy food until noon. In fact, we couldn't wait that long - I read Borges and took down some notes on the trip to date, but I needed to get out of there. So at 11 we took off for the North coast

That was another one of our crucial decisions, to do the village hopping we had planned on doing Monday on Saturday instead, and in a mere two hours, we were driving on the AC 862 along the northern coast of Galicia. We decided to go to Ribadeo, because, well, it was the last city in Galicia.

On the way, Ben remembered a student's suggestion: we should go check out San Andreas de Teixido, a small town known to house Celtic ruins. We saw a sign for it, and knowing nothing more than that sentence, we decided to take the turn.

In case I haven't made it clear, we knew very little about San Andreas de Teixido. We knew even less about the road we were driving on. This latter fact held true even as we drove on it. Because, well, we couldn't see anything:

So it appears that to get to the Celtic ruins, you have to drive through the abyss. Wild horses and cattle guard the road. To get a clearer picture of our condition, Ben and I got out of the car and ascended to the peak of the abyss. From there we couldn't see anything, but we could at least make our presence felt:

We drove a little farther, descending a tiny bit on the mountain. We could then see a little bit to either side of us. On one side of the road were giants who would not allow us to pass without us consenting to a glorious battle to the death. Needless to say, I heeded to the call and proved myself victorious, while Ben documented the moment:


As our reward, we found a beautiful hike on the other side of the road. Passing through mud and, uhh, "mud", we found the edge of a forest and a stunning vista of the ocean below. It was all a cruel hoax though, because without magic, death-defying efforts, or a rope, there was no reaching the ocean. Tantalized, we stopped short and returned back to our car

All the same, it's a pretty view, isn't it?

It was only after another ten minutes of driving, one more stop for a nice viewpoint, and a cow toll that we reached the town itself. The town was small and quiet, with roads only made for walking upon. We descended into a small square next to the chapel, and while Ben paused to plan, I laid down on a wall. 20 minutes later I woke up to see him returning from the ruins. So that was that.

Our next choice was easier: there was no way I was driving back through the abyss, if such a thing were metaphysically possible, so we continued on another road that spit us back out on the AC 862 (or its sister, the AC 566) a little bit farther West. So we had to drive on ground already covered, but we made it into Ortigueira with no problems in the late afternoon, around 5 pm. The perfect time for a Cruzcampo Light or some sun-aided napping. We parked near the port, where Spanish families and wedding parties walked along or sat in the cafes. I did some scouting and acquired a survival pack (ham and cheese empanadas, a pack of Ham-flavored chips (they're pretty good, though having a mid-sized bag of them in one pop is a bit much) and a chocolate-filled pastry). Then I found a grassy knoll and a bench. I ate and read Borges and watched a little boy get yelled at his mother for kicking a soda can, and then break into tears when his older brother stole the can and threw it away. Culture is usually universal.

That eternal bug to keep going impelled us to drive East during sunset, and we ended up in Viveiro, another 30 minutes down the road. This is another small city, though it got in our guide book. We arrived, drove around for a suitable spot to pack up for the night, and then hunted out for dinner. Ben aptly described our eatery as the Spanish equivalent to "Fuddruckers", from high-school clientele to cheap and large burgers. We supped sufficiently and returned to our parking lot/sleeping quarters del dia. There was a couple in the car next to us using their car for a different sort of sleeping, so we backed up to the other side of the lot and shacked up. I got the back seat this time, which was probably an improvement, though not a sizable one.


Sunday morning market woke us up this time. The clinking of pipes beneath white tarp roofs to our right, specifically. It was just before 9, which means our span of sleep extended nearly ten hours, though we both knew better than to say we slept that long. We were about an hour away from A Coruña, and the foggy, rainy road awaited us. I did the driving while Ben discovered that one of the advantages to sleeping in the car is that your bed moves with you.

Everything went well - I found the way to the city easily, we dropped off the car, found a hostel, and settled in to get real sleep. More importantly, we encountered Don Rent. Naturally, Don Rent is a place you can rent cars from. One might call him the Don of rental cars. In fact, he went so far as to call himself that, except in a foreign language (English, duh). Not only did this lead to a string of general Don jokes - including our ultimate disappointment with Don Croissant, a pastry shop in A Coruña closed on Tuesdays - but a second life to our string of Evan Cranley jokes (from Broken Social Scene). As you can imagine, by A Coruña we were travel drunk.
A statue that looked like the legend himself. It was also on Albert Camus street, which is alienatingly cool.

Beyond the Don Manly jokes, the only two big things to discuss about A Coruña (a very nice city, by the way, a good synthesis of old and new, big city and laidback comfort) are the beach and the tower of Hercules. Of the latter: the story goes that Hercules built the tower with his own bare hands, as a testament to his defeat over Geryon. In the very least, the tower dates back to the second century B.C.E., though it got refurbished a little bit in th 17th or 18th century, C.E.

In any case, the tower is a premium tourist attraction in A Coruña. It is not, however, a World Heritage Site. No UNESCO super-protection, no prestige and all that. In the Praza do Maria Pita, the center square, there is a big sign in four languages (Gallego, Spanish, English, French) that implores visitors to "embrace the tower of Hercules. By your embraces we will achieve our goal," of WHS status. So, always amenable to helping out, I did my best:



And then, for my tongue in cheek, as well as dashing good looks, I received punishment befitting Hercules. Invisible peoples lashed me with invisible ropes to the nearby sundial, Rosa de los Vientos, and well, it wasn't good:

There's only one solution to all that straining: the beach.

The beach, Playa del Orzan, was fairly dirty and fairly vacant when we settled onto it. It was only about 20-22° out and a Monday afternoon, so understandable. The sand was fairly rocky and uncomfortable, yet for most of the beach, there were very few good skipping stones. The sun was not as strong as in Morocco, for example, but still capable of doing damage. And the water on the beach was clear, with decent waves and almost no seaweed (it looked worth on other beaches in the city). Also, the water was fairly cold, but not so cold as to deny the irrepressible joy that one gets from submerging himself in the water and feeling its purity, of allowing that purity, that triumph to wash over oneself in salty, liquid form.

How would I know? Well:


A good one to end on for Galicia. And though the time stamp might say this is May 21st, I finished this post from the States. Which means all that's left is a wrap-up post. It'll be up sometime. Maybe.